Romantic Wellness - Keep the spark Alive!

How do you not only find Wellness in Relationships but also keep it? I have been married for 53yrs and a Relationship Counsellor for approximately.23years. I am still learning.

As each relationship has its own uniqueness it can vary from couple to couple.

One of the important issues I have learnt is that we are not prepared or wise in the ongoing obstacles being with someone can bring. No one is perfect, and at times life challenges you, so be kind to yourself and thoughtful to your partner. Don’t look to your partner to make you happy, they can add to your bliss for sure, but you alone are responsible for what makes you happy.
A healthy dose of self goes a long way to a happy relationship.

To look at the issues I have chosen just a few which I believe are keys to understanding and breaking the pattern
Make sure you go on “Date Nights” no longer than a month apart; this is time for you to nurture your relationship and keep connected. Take it is turns of choosing where to go and what to do. It doesn’t need to be extravagant. Keep the fun and excitement going by surprising each other it doesn’t matter what your partner chooses, don’t criticise what they planned. Enjoy it. It can be something you want or what you think they may like.

 Communication. Accept that you will not agree on all things, that is a given for a healthy relationship, However also accept that there doesn’t have to be a win and lose outcome. Understand that we can agree to differ. That yelling or shutting off solves nothing. In a mature relationship give time for one to speak and LISTEN, don’t go straight into what you want to say. Keep to the issue that is being discussed, don’t go back into dredging up the past.

 Working on the relationship. Too often couples think that the relationship can take care of itself, that there energy is into Children, Work, paying bills and keeping the household going. However this is when the relationship suffers Just like your career you need to work on it.

 PARENTING : Children are a delight, however they also add to the mix of strain on a relationship ., Children are so cleaver they learn very quickly how to get around a parent or parents.
So although you probably won’t agree on everything, have some very set ideals you both follow, never give in to a child if your partner has said no? If you feel you do not agree with a parenting behaviour of your partner take some time away from the children to discuss it. Give time to listen to each other’s reasoning, and then come to a decision, generally a compromise and stick to it. Children need and prefer healthy boundaries. Remember you are Mum and Dad not their friend.

 I also would like to add that Violence in Relationship is never okay, this can also include ongoing Verbal abuse. If this case seek help.
Help is available at www.thehotline.org
Or by calling 1800 799 SAFE (7233)

Pame Price
Listening Ears Services
Article written for LIVING WELLNESS MAGAZINE, AUTUM 2013 Edition.